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N+ 105 : End of play

 N+ 105 : End of play 


The sweet little sparkle has gone out. And we are out of time. 

I say goodbye, to so much. Old lovers, Old memories, Old patterns, so many odd old little things. 

Each time I count the same story, about me growing up, about me now being able to pass through life without any fears. The multiplicity of my beings has vanished. The reason is that it doesn’t matter. Any more or has it ever? What’s left? 


The only thing I wanted to get rid of, my reliance on the other. On you, my reader. On everything that is not me. I have tried every manner I could think of. It’s time to call the end of the play. There is no winner and no loser. Only me is standing on stage, as much actor, director, spectator … You never existed fully, only me came to matter not so long ago before the beginning of the 21century.


I believed all that I wrote, but where does it leave me now. Ageing reliance and tender confidence I cannot even remember fully. We are stuck, stuck in between, at the doorstep of existence. This piece was a play, a play with myself, to finally be able to rely completely on my existence. We do not disappear, not completely. Even death leaves a mark. Now I’ll leave it up to you. What will you remember? What will you express? And where are your critics? 

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